also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
