The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
