We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
