she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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