i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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