it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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