Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
