I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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