2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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