What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
