found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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