I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
