New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
