I molested 6 butterflies tonight
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
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