every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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