two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I just sharted jello shots
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