there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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