I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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