I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
two words...techno handjob
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
