East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
