somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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