you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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