Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
