were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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