Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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