I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
