I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need to calm my uterus...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
