im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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