just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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