So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
