I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
