that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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