If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just crazy horny about you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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