I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
