She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is Oprah even human
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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