I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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