Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
