Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
