It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
