Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
