I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
