Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
