im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
