i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just had sex on a roof
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
