sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
