The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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