No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
