I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
