If i come over, it means nothing
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
