shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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