just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
