Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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