this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
