I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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