Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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