if only i could text you this smell
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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