I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
