If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
