i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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