Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
