so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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