im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
