Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
