also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
