If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
