I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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