Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
