Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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