You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
