The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
