You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
