We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
