Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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