what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
