I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
