i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
