you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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