He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
