Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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